equinox

Last week I went card shopping. Anticipating Al's and my wedding anniversary, I thought if I start looking early, I could temporally afford to reject cards that weren't worthy of such an important event. I found nothing worthy. All week, anytime I was near cards, I would look through and find nothing. I've been buying anniversary cards for 18 years. One year, I actually began on September 1, and bought Allison a card for every day leading up to the 20th.
Ah, those were the days – when a wonderful, growing relationship is still young and underdeveloped enough that feelings can be expressed in a generic greeting card. "Dear wife, I feel the same way about you as 175,000 other men feel about their wives. Which is precisely the way Helen Steiner Rice knew we'd feel when she penned this wonderful greeting card that is weighted and balanced to turn over automatically in your hand so that you can see we care enough to send the very best."
But in 18 years, our relationship has moved way beyond the ability to express it so simply. The presentation of the card surely becomes the expression rather than what the card actually says. Of course the card speaks truly, but says but a fraction of what there is to say. The hundreds of cards I've browsed just seemed to demean the real thing. Things need to be said for which words have not yet been invented in any language, save the language of life, friendship, intimacy, worry and sharing. Our relationship has developed nuances about which Helen knows nothing. We have no choice but to just keep at it, keep growing until words are invented to express our love.
This year is of special significance for an aging husband. This anniversary marks a marriage that is as old as I was when we met. Remember that fine August morning? Do you remember me then? Newly dubbed adult. All that learning, formation, growing behind me – ready to begin.
Do you remember those following 4 years? Friendship, evolution, commitment. A pleasing hub to these two temporally equal halves of my life. From now on, your half grows ever longer and we define me more deeply than I define me. When were you not there? It's as if you were never not a part of me.
Oh, I'll keep looking for a card so that on Friday when we actually get some time together, maybe you'll get some words that somehow say what I want to say. But maybe we can just reflect together. Stand beside me. Remember. Look back. 18 Septembers. Now put one foot forward. Look ahead. Take a step. Preminisce.
We're 18. Newly dubbed adults. Lots of learning, formation, growing behind us – ready to begin.