blessed

Tuesday night while I waited for the wee ones to get teeth brushed and jammies on, I sprawled out on the bed. Jack came in and we started to talk about paradox. I know, we're a weird family. He turns 12 next week. I picked up the remix and began to read to him as he laid across my chest. "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are, no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."
I was sobbing embarrassingly as I read aloud through Matt. 5 to him. I said, when you turn 40, you're alowed to cry when you read Jesus' words. Jack cried with me. Guess you can when you're 12 too. We cried together, me not feeling I have to pretend that I'm the spiritual giant in order to help lead him on his spiritual journey. Just another traveler, a little further along, willing to be honest with my protégé about what I learned at his leg of the race and what I'm learning now. Willing to listen and sympathize when I don't have the answers to his questions. Let's just be baffled together, pray together, await the answers together, seek God together.
I thought a lot that evening about a lot of things. I thought about how you can erroneously be content with just who you are. How Jesus' words could be misunderstood. Surely I can't be content with just who I am if it doesn't mean simply that I'm content with what God is doing in my life. With the speed he's making me. With allowing him to shape me. With the face and body he's given me. So I can't be content with stagnation, just with what He's given us to work with.