why do I love thee? nuance, part 4.1

I think I’ve got a clearer grasp on what I’m trying to say here. Though its not easy, comparatively, it is easier to let Jesus love someone through me than to learn to love them myself.
Imagine me attempting to love someone to belief. (Already, I’ve used the kind of language that I’m questioning, argh.) It seems to me that there are three possible ways to see the scenario. All have to do with what appears to my friend to be important to me. Does the recipient of my love see its motivation in my caring for him, or in my dutiful obedience to God, despite whether I actually care for him myself, or my fear of the consequences of not doing as I’m told by a God in whom he does not yet believe? To the believer, these subtleties don’t seem to make a difference, but to the unbeliever, they mean whether or not his ears stay open and whether his heart ever opens.
These are manifest in real life by statements such as, “they just want to make everyone like themselves,” or, “they won’t get to heaven unless they bring people with them.” “God will punish me for not believing in him and God will punish them for not convincing me to believe.” If you take a look at “Christianitysucks.com” it is hard to decide whether to be more shocked at the jabs from non-believers, or the responses from Christians.
I think, in terms of evangelism, here is where Dave's authenticity and vulnerability come in in a legitimate way. We are the one that is there with them at the moment. If they don’t feel authenticity in us, there is no way that they’ll find Jesus authentic.
Is there a difference between a burden that grows from our love for someone, and a love that grows from a burden? Seems if we love someone, our burden for his need of Jesus will be greater. If our relationship is born solely through our attempt at evangelism, we try to take on a burden that Jesus has for them, but we don’t understand.
Ok, so I don't have a clearer grasp, but I'm going to keep trying until I do. So I don’t know, I’m just trying to get sift through verbiage and theology and call and figure out how to more purely be what I’m called to be. Sure could use your continued help.