how do I love thee? nuance, part 4

Yesterday, while I was eating lunch, I could hear two guys next to me conversing over their bratwurst and sauerkraut. The conversation mostly consisted of church talk – what they’re doing, who’s coming – with some talk about what others’ churches are doing and who’s going. Thoughts went through my head as I eavesdropped. At first I was thinking about the fact that church is so often the topic. God, discipleship, spirituality, theology, faith, are so often mislaid because church is the task at hand. Why are we always talking about church? I’m not ripping on these guys. I’m sitting there having a similar conversation. Its just that there is where the thoughts started.
Take spirituality out of it for a minute. Can’t two Christians talk about a ballgame, concert, CD, movie, book? Can’t two people become friends and discover that they are both Christians and that they both like church? Now this is going to sound like heresy, but I’m pretty sure what I mean is not heresy. Can’t we be friends who care about each other apart from our commonality in Christ? Or am I not allowed to be friends with someone except for the sake of Christ? For whose sake does God love? Is it for His sake, or just He just love?
I’m just wondering because it seems that this prereq. is what gets in the way of a lot of long-term salvation inducing, unconditional friendships. I’m pretty sure that to be the Jesus-follower that Jesus wants me to be, I’ve got to love unbelievers regardless of whether they become believers. Jesus does. So might the hurdle blocking the way of deeper friendships among Christians be that we don’t feel that our friendship could exist outside of Christ. If one of us weren’t a believer, would we still love each other? Or are you just obeying Jesus by loving me? Can we not be friends and then rejoice that we both know Christ? What if I suddenly decide I’m going to take an amillenial position? If you have a problem with this, it’s no wonder we have a problem being true friends with unbelievers. Please tell me if I’m stepping over the line here, but is the only legitimate reason to love someone that Jesus loves them?
It is impossible for me to love someone that Jesus doesn’t love, they don’t exist. But is it possible to love someone not because Jesus does, but just because I do? If I want to show the love of Jesus, then I have to love like Jesus loves. Not just because someone else loves you, because I love you. Seems that then I’m behaving like Christ because I have learned from Him, been influenced by Him, not just because I’m following orders. Is there a place in the path of discipleship where obedience is no longer an issue? Where we behave like Christ because we’ve learned to behave from Him. When my children are grown, and they behave according to what I have taught them, is that an act of obedience or simply being as they have learned to be?
I could be way off here, but I’m not trying to make Jesus less important. I’m trying to make Him more important. The slate is yours. Help me out.