future foreboding

future foreboding
Originally uploaded by rod lewis

I'm still reeling from what sent me to the dam on Thursday evening. Too many places to be - simultaneously. I now realize that I must become omnipresent to continue the pattern into which I've been thrust.
Every decision I make is wrong - regardless. My discernment is based on who will best understand and most quickly get over their disappointment.
This doing mode of life cannot be sustained - not in anyone's life. We are called to be, not to do. I fear that I am enabling an attitude in my children that will breed a lifestyle of making your plans and expecting everyone to get on board and bless your desires and wishes.

I fear that it may be erroneous to assume that by serving someone you teach them to serve. Rather, it appears as if we are merely teaching them to be served, to expect to be served, and to get really angry when for a brief moment, service has to shift to someone else.

I hope I'm exaggerating. I'm just really tired and emotionally spent.