evanesce

evanesce
Originally uploaded by rod lewis

Somewhere, buried deep in my theology, is the feeling that grace can only be experienced within total surrender and submission. Independence and autonomy make up the foundation of human nature and no doubt, the desire for autonomy is the motivation for all rebellion. So the issue is that we want to do it for ourselves. We think we are good enough, and so, if it can be done, we can do it ourselves.
My understanding of the concept of grace is that it can’t be experienced if I have anything to do with it. The irony is that it is highly probable that I can’t come to learn that unless I try with everything I’ve got to do it myself. As C.S. Lewis points out, it is only through trying harder and harder and continually falling short that I come to realize that I can’t do it myself. In fact, I can’t do it at all. I can’t even help.
Once I’ve made this realization, I am able to totally surrender my total depravity and receive grace. In my life, it has required a LOT of hard work to come to give up and admit that my work had and has nothing to do with the grace that is offered me. In that realization, I fall totally surrendered and contrite before the one who offers me what I have not earned, do not deserve and could never have otherwise. Free. Gift. No charge. No payment plan.