open letter to randy borawski

Dear Randy,
we the fans of the hot new band, "faith turtle", do humbly request that their picture be added to the band gallery at jammin' java. We see no reason that you should ever allow them to play at your fine establishment, but we think that your reputation could be greatly expanded if it could be erroneously concluded that they had once played there, though no one actually remembers it, or has any idea what their music sounds like. In all honesty, at one time or another, we've been sitting and enjoying a fine midwest melt and a cup of joe wishing that the music filling the room were nothing more than a signed photo on the wall. Granted, this does not happen very often, but no doubt, it would be the case were faith turtle to actually play at the subterranean cafe. So avoid the inevitable onslaught of cards and letters requesting a gig by faith turtle and merely add their picture to the gallery. Then when asked to book them, you can just point to the pic and say, "sorry, you missed them."
We appreciate your consideration and support of this band.