covert navel operation

A rant from a sensible curmudgeon

I’m pretty sure that when I was a kid, we saw just as much skin as is seen today, but it was different skin. Back then girls’ jeans rose to above their belly button. In the summer, some would wear halter tops that showed their “midriffs”. Dress code at school was “no bare midriffs”. I looked up "midriff" in the dictionary. "the area of the human body between the chest and the waist."
Of course, these days, we don’t have to worry about that anymore. No self-respecting girl would show her midriff in public. In fact, no self-respecting girl would show her belly button in public. But the area between the belly button and below – public viewing acceptable. So I used to think there were certain parts of our bodies that other folks weren't supposed to see. Now I know that's not true. Actually, any part of the body is ok to see, just not all at the same time. I'm pretty sure you could photograph the same girl in two different outfits and make a composite of a completely naked girl.
The sad thing is that girls who don't wish to have a composite made of themselves are pretty helpless. One seemingly can't purchase clothing that covers what one would like covered. The only solution then, is to purchase what is available and then use two hands at all times - one to tug and pull swathes of fabric out of uncomfortable places where you don't want it to be, and the other to tug and pull it over places you wish were covered, but aren't listed in the policy. Most people think it is awkward to see skin, but I think it doesn't compare to the awkward feeling of those who must constantly pull shirts down to cover below while exposing above. This is followed by tugging upward to cover above while exposing below. Seems the solution then would be to pull up on both the shirt and the jeans, but the jeans will only come up so far before they bottom out. And so the saga continues. In fact, I feel quite awkward watching the tug and pull dilemma while I try to teach, have a conversation, or lead worship. No wonder charismatically inclined women wear denim jumpers. Today's fashions don't allow for arm wavers. Something's got to be done. I've recently noticed that we've got a "Future female plumbers of America" chapter with a lot of members at our own school.
So a couple weeks ago, the Louisiana legislature tried to remedy the problem. They tried to make it a crime to wear jeans that expose undergarments… and three other things that it is already a crime to expose in public. The bill was defeated 54-39. The bill's sponsor was mocked and laughed at by other lawmakers. So my question is, is it now legal to expose those other three things in public? Do the traditional public indecency laws specifically list these things?
One good thing though – no MLB player should ever be ridiculed again. At any given moment in the stands, 98% of female fans will be digging, trying to pull something out of somewhere that it doesn't belong.