vacuitas ex ductum

Had a conversation with a student this morning that got me thinking again about living abundantly and how we (me?) so often focus our understanding of a concept into one area that causes us to miss so much. What we miss is sometimes knowledge of what we should be doing, but it is often a sacrifice of peace that we could have but don’t accept.
At issue today in my mind is freedom. Working among rebel aged students all the time, I often hear the phrase, “freedom in Christ”. Sometimes I hear it used to defend questionable behavior, and sometimes to point out others’ perversion of its meaning. Anyway, this phrase sort of illustrates what I’m thinking. Usually we use it to mean we are free from the bondage of our sin nature in the present (though some use it to mean we are free to sin). We are free now to live without habitual sin in our day to day. This is great of course, but with this application only, what I’m left with is the baggage from past sin. I’m not in bondage to my sin nature - I’m in bondage to my guilt nature. Has God really forgiven me for THAT? But what about the consequences of that sin in the lives of those around me? How can I really have been forgiven of something that affected other people?
One of the ways we deal with this guilt issue is to develop a theology that says God forgives and forgets. Once we confess and ask forgiveness, God can no longer remember our sin. Is this Biblical? How can an omniscient God forget anything? Is this just further evidence of my inability to understand forgiveness – that I have to assume loss of memory in order to believe that God no longer holds me guilty for my wrongs? We say that if someone’s wrong toward me is still somewhere in the back of my mind then I haven’t truly forgiven and let it go. But is this really true? Is not the issue better understood by considering how I deal with the fact that the wrong is still in the back of my mind? If, in fact, I could zap the ordeal from my brain like Tommy Lee Jones or Will Smith, forgiveness would be easy. In reality though, I will remember or can be reminded of things that I’ve forgiven. I just choose not to keep account of wrongs, not to grow bitter, not to use them for manipulation.
The bible says that our sins are cast as far as east from west. From us. We are no longer guilty of them. This does not mean that God can’t remember them. Its just that they no longer separate us from Him. He’s forgiven us. Surely His ability to forgive is far bigger than I realized. He knows me, yet He loves me. Its my memory of my past sins that keeps me tied up, that keeps me from living abundantly. Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I’m free to sin, nor does it mean only that I’m free from sinning now or in the future. It means also that I’m free from having sinned. This may be my biggest obstacle, perhaps my biggest habitual sin - to distrust God’s promise and accept His forgiveness and to try to understand it on human terms.
Lord, I believe. Please help my unbelief.